"It sets me thinking. Nothing's permanent.
But will yours be?"

Looking back at the year 2009, there were many things that I've seen, heard, felt and experienced. Some were heart-piercing and heart-wrenching while others, well, delightful and light-hearted. Many lessons were learnt during this hard, long year and it's really an eye-opener for myself.

I don't deny disappointing people that I loved and I don't deny that people whom I loved disappointed me alot, in fact too much, until I was on the brink of giving up. It was like as though I was hanging by the egde of the cliff. But my loved ones pulled me back together and I learnt to be stronger. I learnt that things around us are not to be taken for granted. Sometimes understanding a person isn't just enough. Understanding that person and his/her needs is something more exceptional.

Old friendships were rekindled and bonds got stronger while new friendships were forged. I've met many great people out there who were very warm and hearty. I enjoyed their company everytime I see them and I'm glad I've got a chance to meet them.

The year's coming to an end and life will definitely take a turn when 2010 comes. Big decisions will have to be made and I have to be ready to face the real world. The big word comes; Responsibility. Not only my life will affect me but the lives of others who are also going to change. This will definitely call for being flexible and reasonable and not be a selfish being.

To my besties out there, this year was definitely tough. Especially for me. There was a point of time where you made me feel that I was intentionally neglecting you but when I really sat down and think about it, I thought there might be some truth to it. But the difference was, I was sure it wasn't intentional. I felt horrible but I knew I just can't sit around feeling mad or frustrated about it. I love you girls too much to have frustrations over you girls. I got over it and I tried to be better. I hope it worked for you guys because I really really love you girls alot!

To dearest love, many incidents happened between the both of us. In fact one significant incident actually really tested our patience, trust, believe, faith and love we have for each other. At first, I thought everything was turning chaotic and messy and I didn't know which way to go. But you made me believed that you're there to make everything right. And true enough, you did. I felt that we have stepped into a whole new level and the future seems clearer now. You made me believed that nothing could get in our way. With every step I take in this journey, I know you're always around to make sure I don't fall.

I hope 2010 will be a promising year and I look forward to welcoming 2010 with wide open arms. It's a whole new adventure people!

You're the every beat of my heart,
the every breath that i take.
Nothing could ever stand in between us.
You're everywhere around me; your warmth, your scent, your smile.
Nothing in this whole wide world can ever change my mind about you.
And that is you're mine forever.
Every cloud has a silver lining, and so I believe.
These forced circumstances may be just another test,
to see how far we'll stretch to hold on to each other.
Let's get through this.
I know we'll make this right.

Happy 18th baby.

"Sometimes, it's difficult to ask from you.
Even though you'd let me."

Next stop.

The trip that everyone was waiting for happened and we had a whole load of fun. Hahaha. It was a stress reliever for all, escaping the rigors of work. Gotta say there were many highlights in the trip, both expected and unexpected. In a gist, it was a trip worth paying for. Hahaha.

Everything seems blurry now. I don't know how you feel. You don't know how I feel. I don't know what you've been through. And you don't know what I'm going through. It all boils down to communication aye? Without this 'c' word, everything seems to be redundant assumptions that one takes seriously because there's no other reasons to justify the current situation. Then I guess there's a need for some level of clarification.

Doesn't mean I'm not there means I don't give a damn about you. Doesn't mean I'm not there means I don't care about you. Doesn't mean I don't talk to you means I don't think about you. Doesn't mean I don't meet you means I don't miss you. I give a damn about you. I care for you. I think about you. I miss you.

It's really a terrible feeling hearing that you are annoyed and pretty mad at me for being a MIA bitch. Mastering the disappearing act one of you claimed. I do understand how you feel. It's human nature to be thinking the way you did. But I hope you don't think I'm doing something wrong. Wrong to you. Life's getting crazier by the minute. Everything is out of place. Even you. Even me. Time is all I need from you to rectify everything till it's fine. I hope that's not too much to ask for. Maybe you would ask, 'What kind of problems am I facing to the extent of forgetting me? Even not a single sms?' . That I don't deny. It's abit too much from me to not be even giving you a single text to say hello. I apologize to you for being ignorant. Or maybe you think I'm having a whale of time having fun without you but trust me, nothing could be more fun than hanging out and talking nonsense with you. I can't promise you after this entry that things will change but I won't say I won't try to be a good bestie to you.

Things around us do evolve and change for a cause. I believe that's what we're going through. Please don't worry. You won't lose me for sure. What I'm certainly worried about is, whether I would lose you.

Picture credits to tumblr.com

I think I need to insert some happy thoughts in my blog. By far, I simply realised that it's very gloomy. Haha. And, my work colleague, Hui Ting shared the same sentiments. So I have decided to 'buang yang keruh ambil yang jernih'. In English it means, urmm. Think happy, don't think sad. Something like that.

The only thing I'm looking forward to this week is my trip to PJ! I swear I'm going to whack people there so colleagues, you watch out! Especially that 'boy'. Hahah. 48 hours++ more to go. Or dear calender, do speed up.

HAPPY 17TH BABY.
When I say you're mine, it will be for forever.

"I've long been gone and I
don't know when I'm returning."

November starts to kick in and my two feets are still not on the ground. I don't know what's wearing me down. All I know is that life right now is a routine. I get up in the morning, my destination would be the office. And when the moon goes way up in the sky, it's time to go home. Dearest boyfriend would fetch me from work even though he feels tired working from the wee hours of the morning to late noon. And then, he will put many many smiles to my face and makes me forget everything that only spells trouble/stress. Then my day will end and the next day, the routine starts all over again.

And I'm being grateful besties are accomodating and being understanding. I hope your patience will not wear off. I'll get through this, I promise. And soon, it's back to HEE-HEE-HAA-HAA days. Can't wait.