suee .

WHEN A DREAM TURNS INTO REALITY

2010-10-03T00:47:00.002+08:00

Life's going to change from now on. Some might notice while others would not. But I certainly hoped for those who would notice, you would understand. Priorities in life change when certain commitments are added or altered.

A huge step in life. One of my dreams coming true. Alhamdulilah.

OHHHHH GOD I MISS HIM SO.

2010-09-10T22:00:00.004+08:00

The reason why I am missing you so much is because I know you're not here, on the same land as I am. You're over there. And that creates a huge difference. Because it isn't so easy to get you if you're here and not there. I could easily swing by to meet you but there? It's impossible without a passport and there are safety issues to think about travelling alone. (I'm sounding so crazy right now.)

Watching Bones helps me get away from the 'i miss you' feeling but, how long could I keep watching? For another probably between 24 hours to 36 hours?

Gosh. The part where I know and realise it's going to be a yearly affair simply makes my heart wrenched. A lot.

Antidote, anybody?

SYAWAL.

2010-09-10T09:40:00.002+08:00

It's the morning of Syawal. I'm up super early, as usual for all Syawals.

So I shall take this chance to wish Muslims all over the world a joyous Aidilfitri!

Salam Lebaran kepada semua. :)

I HOPE YOU'D UNDERSTAND.

2010-09-03T14:54:00.003+08:00

There are things that I've done that I'm not proud of.

But hope always saves me.

Hoping that things are not lost.

Hoping that things are understood.

Hoping things are alright.

SOMETIMES, I EXPECT TOO MUCH.

2010-09-01T15:58:00.003+08:00

When expectations fail, come great disappointments.

I never needed comforting. I am fully capable of doing it myself. But once in a while, I would need you to do it. But sometimes, you just don't seem to get it.

2010-08-31T23:16:00.002+08:00

FCUK.

ZZZZZZ MONSTER

2010-08-26T14:45:00.003+08:00

My eyelids wish it could close but in actual fact, they can't. Because right now I am sitting in my office, blogging to keep them open. I am a very sleepy lady.

It has been like this the entire week. I am just so bloody sleepy. No matter how enough I consider my sleeping hours are, I just want to simply close my eyes and shut down. Like it was the bestest thing that I would do and could do. Right now I am unable to keep my eyes open. Oh help me.

The time now is only 2.50pm. I still got 2 hours and 55 mins! Actually when I mentioned that, it does not seem so bad afterall. What's another 2 hours and 55 mins right? But just sitting here on my desk with work (boring work I tell you), 5 mins feels like an hour.

I am just hoping boyfriend would come to my rescue and call me. But, I think he is way too busy with work (screws, nuts, bolts, wires etc anything a technician would hold and fiddle with). I keep glancing at my handphone wishing his number would flash but zero.

I have completed Season 5 of Bones and Season 2 of The Mentalist and I cannot figure out what to watch next. I love criminal kind of tv-shows. Especially when forensic science are involved. I wanted to watch CSI but they have way too many seasons. I mean that could keep me busy right? But I am just too lazy to sift through the truckloads of seasons from Vegas to Miami to New York. By the way, New York is my least favourite.

Anyway, I was suppose to iftar together with my besties but apparently all couldn't make it except for one. So to that one bestie that could make it, I look forward to seeing you tonight to get rid of this boredom inside of me.

WHERE HAS EVERYTHING COME TO?

2010-08-17T11:20:00.002+08:00

It gets tougher and tougher each day. And it gets even worse when nobody knows what you're going through. Unknowingly, their actions cause you to feel even worse and there's really no way to make them understand your condition because it will never be the same to them. They will never understand you fully because they are not you.

In this kind of situation, what should one do? Swallow everything in, pretending that all of that will go away? Or try and try to get at least one person to understand maybe 90% of what you're going through?

It's like getting stuck in the jungle, with no escape. And nobody knows.

BREAK FAST. BUKA PUASA.

2010-08-16T16:47:00.002+08:00

What have I eaten so far for break fast?

First day: My family would make it a point to eat porridge. So we had delicious chicken porridge with jelly cocktail. A simple meal.

Second day: Porridge again. But it was beef porridge. With some things else but I cannot remember. Haha.

Third day: We had a galore of fried food. Fried fish fillet, fried nuggets, fried drumsticks, and rojak.

Fourth day: Went to Yureka with baby! Eat loads and loads of Japanese food! Sushi! Teppanyaki!

Fifth day: Macaroni soup! With sugar rolls and sausages wrapped with french toasts. Yums.

Today? Maybe fried rice. No idea but I'm eagerly waiting. I love the idea of eating together with my entire family. :)

TUMBLR

2010-08-16T12:25:00.003+08:00

I'm trying out tumblr.

http://sueesays.tumblr.com/

(p.s but i'll still be here.)

TIRED.

2010-08-13T16:54:00.000+08:00

I am tired of staring at this screen for 8.5 hours every weekday of my life.

Not to mention, sometimes, on one weekend.

RAMADHAN.

2010-08-10T19:48:00.003+08:00

Once again, Muslims all over the world welcome the arrival of the holy month; Ramadhan. A month where our utmost patience are being put to a test. To overcome the overwhelming lusts and desires of life.

I have seen this holy month for 20 years now, regardless of whether I was able to execute it or not. And for this year, I feel the strong urge to do my best. Religion is not something to be chucked aside or played with, as I have realised over the years. It may seem that I'm preaching about my religion but to me it's a realisation of myself that no matter how modern or contemporary my thinking is, my existence is due to Him. Without Him, there'll be no existence of any breathing life.

I hope my fast this year would be fruitful and reaches Him. Amin.

WHEN THINGS GO ALL WRONG.

2010-08-04T11:33:00.002+08:00

Dugaan.

BINTAN WITH LOVE

2010-07-21T14:09:00.007+08:00

Bintan trip with Love - 16 to 18 July.

How was it? AMAZING?

The trip was sort of like a last minute thing. Boyfriend's work colleague asked us along and boyfriend agreed like it was just a short trip to Jurong. -__-. I was surprised by his keenness to go but at the same time, I was extremely excited because I was waiting so long for a getaway.

I was a seasick freak. Even the slightest wave can cause me to puke like I had some kind of a disease. Sweet boyfriend bought seasick pills and it worked like magic. It caused extensive drowsiness so during the entire ferry trip, we were asleep. Well boyfriend took it too so he was also sleeping away. Missed the entire scenery but if it prevents me from puking, then I'd rather sleep.

The Welcome to Bintan logo caused huge huge butterflies in my stomach. I could not believe it. I had my feet on Bintan! Hahaha.

Welcome to Bintan Lagoon Resort. That is the lobby you're staring at. Huge.

The seaview.

The resort of course.

The pool!

The room.

The flat screen tv!

Morning breakfast!

The super clear water. Unlike the beaches here in Singapore. -__-

The souvenior market.

The place where we had lunch.

SPA!!

And so it was byebye Bintan, hello Singapore. A very fulfilling trip. Ohh, one activity was left out in this array of pictures. I JETSKI-ED!!

Thanks love for the trip to celebrate our 25th month together. Love you! :)

2010-07-11T00:59:00.000+08:00

I just don't have the strength to do anything anymore. I really don't.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

2010-07-11T00:54:00.003+08:00

Sorry, that's not the end.

I just want to scream and shout and tear all my pillows. Kick everything that's around me. Throw everyting away. Pull my hair. Run and run and run until I feel like stopping. Go away somewhere alone. Off my handphone and disconnect myself from the world. And I bet no one can grant me that simple wish. Why? Because they'll think I'm just being childish because screaming and kicking and running away does not really solve any problems.

See how helpless I am now? Did I manage to get your sympathy? I don't need it so take it back. Thanks anyway.

PLEASE. JUST PLEASE.

2010-07-11T00:38:00.004+08:00

And yah, say whatever you want because this is the third time I'm blogging within the hour. I just have so many things to say. So so many things to say but I just can't shoot my mouth off, can I? I'll end up hurting people and cause more trouble for myself.

This is the deal with humans. Sensitivity. Oh my, I am a very sensitive person and no matter how much I try to just ignore that sensitive side of me, it just keeps overpowering me when I hear undelightful things from the ones I love. Seriously. But aren't I entitled to feel? Being numb is even worst. I might be accused of being cold-hearted. Oh, somebody, please save me.

Yes, by now you know I'm just a frustrated little person with loads of questions but with no answers at all. I don't even dare talk about life because I just simply don't know what's in store for me. I'm like Alice, lost in the Wonderland, but instead of Wonderland, I'm lost in Realityland. Where somebody slaps you and you feel the pain. Where somebody raises his voice at you, and you feel like crawling back into your shell. Where your loved ones make you tear. Where everyone demands an expectation from you which you struggle with every day of your life. Where you have to fight a lot of emotional war because of your family. Where no one knows and understands about the emotional war that's going on within you. Where you stand alone and try to make a place in this world. Where no one notices you and thought nothing can make you cry but actually there are things that can make you cry. Where you feel pathetic when no one listens to you or recognise your effort. Where you think you can go crazy but it's just a bloody excuse to run away from your problems. Where everything you are afraid of happens.

I'm just describing. Don't relate it to me.

The End. I'm done.

THE TEACHER AND THE STUDENT.

2010-07-11T00:30:00.003+08:00

They always say the teacher would be the one going crazy teaching the difficult student. The more harder the teacher is on the student, the more crazy the teacher gets because the student just does not seem to get it.

But what people always forget is the student. The more harder the teacher is on the student, the more harder it is for the student to understand. The student might just do what the teacher wants without understanding it. I mean, understanding is important right? I'm told to understand things and not to do things blindly.

Maybe the teacher should change the approach. Maybe, just maybe, the student might sit down and think hard about what the teacher is teaching the student.

I'm just going crazy. Crazy about everything that surrounds me. One day I might end up in a place with four white walls and a white bed with a white toilet bowl and a white pillow. White. You know?

By the way, I am not a teacher and I am not a teaching any student. And you're crazy to think I am a student because I'm now working my ass off in a very stupid hypocrytic environment. I am going crazy.

I'M JUST TOO CONFUSED TO DO ANYTHING.

2010-07-11T00:05:00.004+08:00

It's strange when the one that gives you so much strength to face the world, is the one that could pull you down the most.

It's strange when you try so much, so so much to make things better but nothing happens in the end. And you sit there, wondering what went wrong but there's just nothing wrong that you can find.

It's strange how the heart react differently to different people. Like when a friend says fcuk you and you just waved it off but when a loved one says the same thing, you feel like the entire world turned against you and your heart breaks into a million pieces.

I tend to distract myself by saying it's just a feeling of disappointment when my heart breaks because I don't really think a heart can break. Living with this denial alone just caused the worst of the worst damage to myself. Heck, you can say I'm emotional by saying that I'm expressing my sorrow in the internet but I am in need of a desperate avenue to express. And a blog does not snap back at me. It's really comforting. I think penning down my thoughts is the most comforting thing to do because no one will ever get to say anything back at me and even if they do, I don't get to hear it. Yeah you're right. I'm just denying everything. Maybe sometimes, being ignorant is just the best thing. Ignorant is bliss.

However, no matter how hard you try to ignore something that matters to you most, you simply can't. Right? You just want to shrug it off but it really haunts your conscience because it's as if you don't want to care about it at all. But when you start caring, things that you don't want to happen, just happen. I mean, what is it I must do?

Distractions. I need distractions. But when you're in love, why would you need a distraction? Love's all about the sunshine and the flowers with the butterflies, but what about the storm, the rain and the bee sting? I sound as if I'm anti-love but I myself am in love. In love with the world's greatest boyfriend but then again, why am I ranting? I hate it when I'm this way. I have loads and loads of questions but I know, I know that nobody can answer.

What's there to say? What's there not to say? I don't know anymore. I don't know anything anymore. All I know is that I'm breathing, I'll continue to keep myself breathing and will continue to keep on breathing until my time is up.

I don't know what you're doing. Are you driving with me? Or are you driving me?

2010-07-09T15:35:00.001+08:00

i love you.

CRAZY AS IT SEEMS.

2010-07-08T11:30:00.001+08:00

2010-07-08T11:26:00.001+08:00

OHH.

2010-07-04T16:12:00.003+08:00

A marriage counsellor on Suria Channel was commenting about abusive husbands.
They showed a re-enactment of a true situation whereby the husband was so blinded by jealousy and ego that he always thought that his wife was cheating on him when she's not. He kicked her, slapped her and even forcefully tattoed her chest like branding a cow in a farm. Inhuman.

And so I caught a sentence that the counsellor said. It's in malay.

"Isteri itu bukan milik, tetapi anugerah."

It means a wife isn't owned, she's a gift.

I think that sentence alone caught me by surprise.

2010-06-30T18:01:00.000+08:00

EMOTIONAL OR NOT. IT BUGS ME.

2010-06-30T09:21:00.002+08:00

I just can't get my head wrapped around how I should live my life.

Too many expectations.

Too many downfalls.

The only thing I look forward to are smiles and laughters and the most important thing: happy.

But don't everybody look forward to that?

Life is like seeking for something. But I still have not discover what that 'something' is.

What do you want from me?

THIS IS THE 3RD TIME IM BLOGGING AND I NEED A COAT/JACKET.

2010-06-29T18:01:00.000+08:00

HUM WITH ME.

2010-06-29T17:38:00.000+08:00

ONE OF THOSE THINGS I'VE GOTTA DO.

2010-06-29T17:36:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 2ND BABY.

2010-06-20T12:39:00.008+08:00

And so on the 18 June 2010, we turned 2! I pre-ordered blue colour cupcakes for dearest boyfriend and made him a card out of magazine covers. Hahaha.

We decided to go ie-skating at Kallang Ice World. None of us ice-skated before so we had butterflies in our stomach when we were on the way there. I was even more anxious as I know when it comes to balancing skills, I have close to zero. Yeah, that bad. But everything turned out fairly well, I did fell 5 times on my butt and now it's aching like hell. Dearest boyfriend was better at ice skating than I am. There were occasions where he nearly fell but he regained his balance pretty well. I was so thankful he got the hang of ice skating faster than me because atleast I have someone I can hold to instead of us holding each other and just falling on our butts. Hahaha. It has been such a long time I had great fun with dearest boyfriend. Thank you so much baby. :)

At night was the romantic part. Again I was blindfolded, drove off to somewhere and when the blindfold was removed, there it was, a night picnic candlelight dinner, by the shore of Tanjung Beach. And dearest boyfriend bought me a book thus unleashing the hidden bookworm in me. Haha. Awww baby. You're so sweet.

It was the best night ever with you darling. And I would give up anything in the world to go through it again with you.

Lastly, the classic three words which mean dearly to my heart when I say it to you,
I LOVE YOU.

WORLD CUP 2010

2010-06-12T21:20:00.002+08:00

And so I have not much chance to comment about the recent FIFA World Cup 2010 amidst all the things that happened to me. Yes mind my language but it's damn fcuking expensive to watch World Cup in Singapore! I don't know who's to blame for this outrageous situation. When I am sensible enough to be understanding what's an off-side and why penalties are given, I have to pay a tremendous amount of $70++ or now $94++ to watch World Cup! I am truly disappointed.

Well, lucky enough Mediacorp understood the passion of soccer fans here in Singapore and aired the official opening match; South Africa vs Mexico. And I was at home to witness it. A fairly good game although bids were high that Mexico will win the first game. But, it was a draw and kind of disappointing that Mexico did not win.

Now I just finished catching Korea defeated Greece in a 2-0 win. I'm swelling with pride to be an Asian right now. Hahaha. Dear young brother of mine plugged his Sony Vaio into our HD tv and streamed live from the net. Was actually surprised at the good quality the streaming channel offered. Cross my fingers now and pray hard I can get to watch Argentina vs Nigeria and most IMPORTANTLY, England vs USA. Please please please.

I am not really a die-hard World Cup fan but I love joining the colourful and you can say patriotism atmosphere that comes from everybody, supporting their own nation in soccer. I can say that FIFA World Cup is one of the most huge sporting events in the world, uniting almost 6 billion people in a way most would not notice. Everybody speaks the same language; GOAL! Hahaha. Although sadly to say Singaporeans have not yet got the chance to support our own team (of which I am not sure whether it will become reality for us Singaporeans) but each of us have an individual country that we go gaga about. For me, England would be my cup of tea. Really hope they would hold the cup in a triumphant shout and joy.

ACTUALLY..

2010-06-11T09:42:00.000+08:00

I DON'T FEEL IT.

2010-06-09T09:06:00.002+08:00

Lately, I've been plagued by this feeling. A feeling that is not a desirable one. Like there is something or there ARE something weighing me down. Maybe it's the process of growing up or maybe it is something else but I'm not liking it at all.

Nothing seems to be what it is. Everything seems to be changing in all sorts of ways; the good and the bad. I don't want things to change but I believe it's a cycle or a flow of which every human being is to follow. Maybe I have myself to blame for all of these. Maybe I wasn't good enough to grow that is why life is demanding me to pull up my socks. It is freaking terrible.

I do hope things get to the way it was before, or even better. Right now, I do not feel like looking forward to anything at all. My day is like a random routine, doing things according to what the circumstances calls for. Boring huh? Right now, that is just the way.

The more I progress, the more things I discovered about myself. I realised it is not easy for me to let go while all this while I thought I had no problem in letting go. Things that I like and I want. Even if I have to give it a pass, I'll feel sort of heavy (I don't know why.) but eventually, I'll let it get away. Sometimes there are things that I have to do whether I like it or not.

I don't know. I just want all of this nightmare to end.

I NEED A GETAWAY. LIKE NOW.

2010-06-04T15:20:00.007+08:00

I find myself browsing through this beautiful villa in Indonesia. Qunci Villa at Lombok island. Took my breath away the moment I set my eyes on it. The blue ocean and the beautiful crafted rooms makes me want to fly there now. The thought of just lying by the beach and relaxing while watching the sun sets makes me even all eager to go.

Baby.. Take me there please... :)

IN THE VELVETY NIGHT SKY.

2010-06-01T10:27:00.000+08:00

Like a fallen star.

WHAT DOES BROKEN-HEARTED REALLY MEAN?

2010-05-22T23:38:00.001+08:00

Why bother?
It's already scarred.

SOMETIMES, I'M A CRAZY BITCH.

2010-05-21T11:29:00.001+08:00

I regretted my actions.

Too precious to lose.

Such a sweetheart.

What was I thinking?

I'm sorry.

IT'S A BIRTHDAY DAY TODAY,

2010-05-18T11:20:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DEAREST BOYFRIEND..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

And so, have a great birthday today.

Forever and always,

Suee. :)

Anyway, happy birthday to my colleague who's like a mommy to me at work, thus I call her Mommy. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY! (Shall not mention the age as age is a woman's secret, as cliched as it sounds.)

And to another colleague, Yvonne! Happy birthday to youuu! Welcome to the club babe!

OHHH HELP ME. IM RUNNING OUT OF TIME!

2010-05-10T17:37:00.001+08:00

Oh shit. It's just around the corner and I have got no clue of what to do!

ONLY YOU GIRLS KNOW.

2010-05-09T20:30:00.003+08:00

I miss myself.

SELAMAT HARI IBU.

2010-05-09T18:28:00.003+08:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL MOTHERS IN THE WORLD.

Especially to my Mom, I would not know what to do if you're not beside me all the way, throughout the good times and the bad times. Even though at times I think that you're not doing your best, you actually are. It just takes some time for me to realise it. I love you Mom.

Anyway, I ordered pizza secretly while my Mom went our for awhile. I am still awaiting the arrival of the pizza in this rain. Yeah, a rainy Mother's Day. Actually I wanted to write something else in today's entry.

Loneliness, helplessness and the absence of love, when you know it's there, makes you do things that you don't ever expect yourself to do.

To dearest love out there,

I'm in love with you. And I want to be with you very much. But I do have my vulnerabilities. Bear with me in all of this.

Yours truly.

IT'S MAY.

2010-05-05T11:50:00.002+08:00

May has finally arrived. See how time flies. The year is already coming to its mid. I've already worked for nearly 3 months and gosh I am feeling super exhausted. I have no idea why actually. Then I tend to get all cranky and messed up. Now I'm starting to believe that I'm just going to screw up my own life if I don't decide to stand on my own two feet again. Maybe leaning too much on somebody isn't such a good idea. After all, everything boils down to me. What I do. What I think like. What I feel. And so on and so forth. Hmm.

I'm starting to develop a swell in my throat which eventually might lead to a bad sorethroat if I don't take good care of it. I'm feeling immensely guilty right now after gulping down one whole 500 ml bottle of Heaven and Earth Green Tea and a packet of chocolate wafer cubes. I'm certainly not doing any justice to my poor aching throat. And, also I'm not doing any justice to my body weight too. Why? Because yesterday I sweat it all out by playing intense amateur badminton with my little brother, who is 17 by the way, and it makes no difference today since I am just snacking away. I am, really very, am serious about losing more weight. It's not that I'm entirely obese or overweight, but hey come on, which growing lady does not want to look good in her clothes? Yup i'm just obsessed about losing weight and gaining the perfect body but I simply don't do anything about it. A bloody big procrastinator. Me. And not to forget. Lazy.

Anyway, dearest boyfriend just got a new cat. Rezki. Male. Has a very fierce face BUT! it's a super nice cat. Jealous. My two babygirls (my cats by the way), are turning very mischievous. One is getting fatter and lazier by the day while the other one is always planning in her devious mine to escape. /Sighs.

I'm off to lunch now. After this long entry, I realised my language sucks a bit. I think I need to start blogging more often. If I can ever find the time.

I figured some people approach 'listening' in many different ways. There's no definite meaning to it actually. Frustrating.

SOMETIMES, WHEN THINGS TAKES A TURN, YOU'LL JUST STUMBLE DOWN.

2010-04-14T00:27:00.003+08:00

"When you thought you understood everything, soon you realise you actually don't."

Things get harder to be understood and soon you're left floating helplessly.

It was a moment where you thought about yourself and I thought about myself. Suddenly, we became two separate individuals.

BY YOUR SIDE.

2010-04-11T15:29:00.005+08:00

"Don't ask me what's the meaning of love. I wouldn't know how to answer that.
But I know the answer to one question. The meaning of your love."

RETAIL THERAPY.

2010-04-11T14:37:00.004+08:00

Pretty aye, the flowers?

Dearest boyfriend asked me out for shopping. Furthermore, I needed a new wallet to replace the existing one which is going to break into a million pieces soon. Hahah. So sweetheart got me one. :).

Loved it loads baby! Thank you soo much!

Anyways, boyfriend got a couple of amazing looking t-shirts and he did not forget to feed my tummy with all the little goodies. Delicious pasta from Ambush topped with macaroons and Royce chocolates! Yummy!

VAVABOOM.

2010-04-07T11:52:00.003+08:00

Birthday celebration was a blast. Several simple celebration was held.

One with besties, which eventually did not really had a good ending but the presence of all of them there were enough to touch my heart. Thank you loves. Had a good and filling dinner at Tambuah Mas; Indo restaurant. Kinn baby gave me a beautiful Guess necklace. My eyes sparkled. Loved it alot. :). Nana, Fiz and Shahidah gave me a French Connection watch. Although I don't wear watches and they know I don't wear watches, I still loved it truckloads. Again, the sparkling eyes of mine. *sparkle sparkle shine shine*. And I'm wearing both the necklace and the watch now. Hehe.

Dearest boyfriend sent a huge basket of flowers to my office while I was working. The florist called me while I was at work, saying he had flowers to deliver for me. I swore my heart was thumping so fast and loudly, upon receiving the flowers. The birthday card says it was from an unknown admirer. -__-. Felt abit embarrassed carrying the flower back to the office. Colleagues were gushing over the beautiful flowers adorned with a cute teddy bear and ferrero rochers. Right that instant, I called boyfriend up and demanded to know whether he was the culprit. He tried denying but in the end, he gave in. Haha. I swore tears could have flown because I was too touched but I made room for smiles, grins and laughters instead. Baby, you sure do know how to tickle this heart of mine. Then we went to have a simple dinner at Robertson Walk, indulging ourselves in Turkish cuisines. I love you sooo much!

Colleagues treated me to Earle Swensen's over at VivoCity. Dearest Huiting, Princess, Dill, JJ, Clement, Jeremy, Shea, Yan Ling and whoever else I failed to mention because I'm not really sure who was sharing all the birthday gifts for me, bought me several things that I really like and love. A Victoria Secret card purse and a Pull and Bear jeans. And of course a sumptuous meal at Earle Swensen's! Dearest boyfriend was also there to join in. It was sweet of him to be there with me although he don't really know all of them. Thank you all!

Not to forget all the people who had flooded my handphone inbox and facebook with all those beautiful messages. I love you all!

SOMETIMES, THINGS MEAN DIFFERENTLY.

2010-03-24T09:12:00.002+08:00

I figured the age doesn't really play a part in maturity. You can be as old as 30 but if you refuse to climb out of your box, you'll just remain there, as it is. I've learnt that there are many different factors contributing the the development and growth of maturity.

1. Your social circle. If you're forever stuck with a bunch of people who puts their problems behind and think that by having fun and laughing, they can shrug it off, they're wrong. No matter how far you run, the problems still persist on. Face it and move on. Don't shrug it off and move on.

2. Your soulmate. Being soulmates is not only about showering each other with love but to guide each other through, even if you have to be stern and strict towards each other. A right amount of control and order plays a part. A huge part really. If people perceive order and control as being over possessive, then I say you're just being selfish. Learn to learn.

3. Bestfriends. An amount of effort to keep the friendship going. Something which is important. A considerable amount of logic and common sense also adds up to a strong friendship. Being open about what each other have to say. And the most important part that I've learnt, listen to your bestfriends' advices. LISTEN. Not HEAR. Because, they may be saying something important that may be relevant to your upcoming future. Seriously.

4. And when you really step into the working life. Life will about juggling everything you have on two hands. Not about wanting to buy that cute shoes, or owning that LV bag, or snapping away your moments of life on a little rectangular thing called the camera. No longer waiting for mommy and daddy to support you. It's all about working your ass off, waiting for the end of the month for your only survival and starting to calculate and minus-ing away all of your hard earn income for things needed for survival. Making choices. Facing the consequences. And of course, expenses for your marriage, as bluntly as I put it. Learn.

Don't blame the phases of life. The phases that happen is because of your willingness to move on or not. It's never about the phases that you will eventually go through. It's your decision that eventually leads to that certain phase you're going through.

Don't mind me. I'm just expressing myself.

PLEASE DO COME TRUE.

2010-03-13T15:44:00.003+08:00

A dream.

To watch Manchester United play in Old Trafford stadium amongst the thousands of Manchester United fans. To be able to feel the stadium tremble when the fans shout "Goal!".

IT'S TIME.

2010-03-06T21:05:00.002+08:00

Right until now, I still cannot believe that I have already stepped into the working world. It's no longer the Suee in Temasek Polytechnic, always trying to find ways to extend her assignment submission dates. It's now all about filling up the rice in my rice bowl. The number 20 is reaching me soon and I only feel that my life has already just begun.

I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH.

2010-02-28T00:03:00.000+08:00

WHEN EVEN YOUR LOVE TURNS YOU AWAY.

2010-02-27T22:31:00.003+08:00

LOVE. This is what I derived at during a long bus ride home after thinking a lot about what's going on in my life.

L=Learn from each other.
O=Observe each other.
V=Vows will be exchanged. And then comes
E=Eternity.

To learn and to observe. Simple verbs but the action of carrying it out, it's never easy. Sometimes, giving up seems tempting but many encouraged and motivated me to push through. To learn and to observe simple means to work out each others' differences and imperfections.

I don't know why my tear ducts are extremely active. I think it's pouring because of you.

CAN HAPPINESS BE GUARANTEED?

2010-02-26T11:45:00.004+08:00

In the end. That's all matters. What will happen in the end? The future, that's what all of us are looking out for. Only two choices, to make the future a good one or a bad one. Every living human in the world are constantly thinking about their very own future. There's no saying to what will happen to the future. Things that happen in the present might or might not determine the future. Just like them, I am too.

MY LOUSY CAMERA PHONE PUT TO HARD WORK.

2010-02-20T15:49:00.005+08:00

And so I ended school on the 12 February after a gruelling 8 hours of major project presentation in school which nearly killed me. Hahhaha. And so that entire week; 8 February to 14 February, my lousy camera phone was put to hard work. Two days before I ended school, me and mojo girlfriend, Nana, went in search for sweet stuffs to eat. So we eventually ended up in Breeks at Woodlands Causeway Point and indulged in this super gigantic dessert, THE MEGA MANGO.

The dessert was enormous! It has mango smoothie, the real mango fruit blend topped with atleast 4 huge scoops of vanilla ice cream. Starwberry syrup, whipped cream and cherries were the toppings. I think that the dessert must have been for atleast 4 person to enjoy but the both of us actually finished it! My tummy was so bloated I swore I could have just floated away like an oversized balloon. So next was cakes!

Yup, we went to Secret Recipe to have our sweet treat! It was just a mini celebration for ending school, finally. Hahaha. Pardon me for the ultra lousy camera phone. Oh yah, and the oversized shades? It belongs to my cousin. Haha. Pretty fascinating aye?

JIMMY CHOO; MADNESS.

2010-02-19T09:57:00.000+08:00

OHH PLEASE GET ME THAT!

PICNIC ON TOTAL DEFENCE DAY.

2010-02-16T15:56:00.002+08:00

So my family and friends went on a picnic over at Sembawang Park. -____- . I know. We were actually much grateful to even have a place for a decent picnic. So mom cooked nasi lemak, there were a couple of food items also such as mee siam without the gravy, samosas, epok-epok and many more. Boyfriend and Nana bestie were there also. Had a whale of time . Hahaha. It has been such a loong time since I've been to a picnic and I've totally forgotten that it was great fun.

IT'S LOVE.

2010-02-14T23:02:00.003+08:00

School's out for me people. No more school. But I wonder will I graduate. Hahaha. Hopefully, I guess. If I do (God's wiling), my official graduation ceremony will be in mid-May. Well, I would have to wear those things where you will wear on graduation ceremony. Some kind of a coat thingey. Oh bother I don't know what it's called. Hahaha. So, hello working world.

Before I forget, to all loved ones, especially boyfriend,

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

(ps. And I caught the flu bug. Thanks alot.)

IT WAS EQUIVALENT TO GIVING ME A TIGHT SLAP ON MY FACE.

2010-02-10T20:56:00.005+08:00

"There wasn't a need for that."

Even if you wanted to teach me a hard lesson, there wasn't a need for that. :'(

TELL ME GIRLS.

2010-02-09T19:55:00.001+08:00

"What does it take actually to make a person happy? Especially females."

THIS IS THE THIRD TIME IM BLOGGING TODAY. -___-

2010-02-08T20:34:00.004+08:00

A conversation with the bestie, Radd. Getting a job. -___- .

♠ raddy says:
nari tk skola?

suee mohd . says:
taaaaaaaaak .

♠ raddy says:
hahaha
esk

suee mohd . says:
taaak .

♠ raddy says:
hahaha
kirakan kau dah mcm aku uh
tgl presentation je

suee mohd . says:
school havent even finish and im starting to feel the 'jual anggur' fever .
lols.

♠ raddy says:
ahahhahah
i know
like, wtf

suee mohd . says:
nak keluar, duit kene pakai . waduh .
dok rumah, kene beleter tak buat keje .

♠ raddy says:
at least you dah patah balek keje

suee mohd . says:
lagi waduh .

♠ raddy says:
aku takder keje

suee mohd . says:
tuh uhh . nasib baik aku ader kejer .

♠ raddy says:
at least you eh
wtf
uh tu uh

suee mohd . says:
ah tuh uh .
you aper.
lols .

♠ raddy says:
aku taknk patah balek luge uh
i wanna apply somewhere else

suee mohd . says:
apply lah hotel line .

♠ raddy says:
aku nak try jadi front desk uh
or airport

suee mohd . says:
ohhh . try uhh .
haha.
dahh write resume ker belum ?

♠ raddy says:
hahah
lom.
soon enough uh
not tonight though
ader aku blabble

suee mohd . says:
hahahaha .
must start looking through newspapers and applyin .

♠ raddy says:
yeapp.
aku dah kene beli straits time
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I'M IN THE MOOD.

2010-02-08T19:00:00.001+08:00

And this baby?

HAPPY ENGAGEMENT.

2010-02-08T18:39:00.004+08:00

On the 7 February 2010, a friend of mine and boyfriend got engaged (the last picture; the one beside my boyfriend.). Well, technically he is boyfriend's bestfriend. And he is sort-of my childhood friend. We sort-of grew up together since our families have been friends since we weren't born. I am more closer to his sister who is of my age (the second picture, the first girl on the left.). So he got engaged and I helped out with the decorations of the engagement platters and the engagement cake. Tiring much, sucked up all my energy. At the same time, I had to rush out my major project reports. Whew. It was a tiring week. Extremely tiring week. I had fun during the engagement ceremony, snapping a lot of photos. They are all at my facebook. Take a look if you're interested. :) .

Well, Happy Engagement to you Salleh Rizal. May you have a happy future with Faidza. :) .

HARDCORE.

2010-02-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

I miss this man hardcore.

I'M JUST BEING HUMAN. I FEEL.

2010-02-02T23:05:00.005+08:00

"Being subconsciously unaware vs. being intentionally ignorant. Which one impacts you more?"

It's tuesday today. My favourite day of the week. Because it's CSI crime night on channel 5! 10pm CSI Miami starts and ends at 11pm followed by CSI Vegas which eventually ends at 12 midnight. I'm very fascinated by all the biological terms, equipments and the way the CSI officers do their investigations. Interesting stuffs they've got. Always makes me wonder if it's the same with the real world. Anyway, boyfriend's too sleepy to talk to me. Lucky me CSI's there to accompany me, atleast till 12 midnight.

And I'm freaking hungry. A desperate craving for pasta. Annoying much.

SOMETIMES, ACKNOWLEDGEMENT IS A NEED.

2010-01-29T23:31:00.005+08:00

I think this time around, I really hurt my thumb real bad. I got cut by a blade yesterday. It bled again today when I was trying on shoes at this shoe store in Northpoint while my cousin was choosing her shoes to buy. The blood was dripping down my entire hand. I think it's a damn deep cut and now there's this huge blood clot and I don't know how to get rid of it because if I try to, it'll be super painful and I cannot stand pain. Now, doing things like shampooing my hair to wearing my pants are so difficult to carry out. I suddenly realised the usefulness of my thumb.
What a predicament. Anasthetic anyone?

I want to be known.

THE WARMTH OF YOUR SKIN.

2010-01-27T19:57:00.001+08:00

Baby, this is sexy. /smiles.

THE WORD IS 'GREAT'.

2010-01-26T23:56:00.002+08:00

Life is life. It's like a plain canvas where it waits for colours, shapes and patterns to be drawn and imprinted on. So what makes the colours, shapes and patterns happen? Us. Personally, I believe that it is us who makes life great or sucky. It is us who determine what colours, shapes and patterns we want our own plain canvas to have.

Naturally, there are times when you feel helpless and clueless as to what you have been doing and what you want to do in the future. And then things get screwed up and a negative aura just surrounds you and just breaks your motivation and drive to be optimistic. It gets kind of sucky and that's when I'll claim that life is not that great afterall. However, I do not forget that I have people around me that makes my life great, or even much better. These people that I love, unconditionally stood by me and will continue to until the end of time.

My life is great? It is. Because I'm loved by many out there. Family, friends and love. When it gets sucky, these are the people I think of and turn to. And I feel greatly lucky.

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT PROMISING, I'M TALKING ABOUT EXECUTING WHAT YOU SAY.

2010-01-26T17:14:00.004+08:00

"Just like promising a child an ice cream, but the promise remains unfulfilled and the child's left crying. "

To say and to do is two different things. But the deal with humans is sometimes when they say, they don't do. For example, she says she wants to cut her hair today but in the end, the hair does not end up being cut. It simply means she did not go to a hair salon to cut her hair. It's not really that bad when it happens to a person whereby she says to herself she wants to do this but yet she didn't. It gets even worse when it happens between two people. For example, she says to her friend she will call her therefore giving her friend the hope of getting a call from her. But in the end, she did not call her friend, thus leaving her friend to feel disappointed.

When this happens to me, I do admit I hate the feeling of disappointment. Even the slightest disappointment makes me wonder why would people even do these kind of things. Saying but not doing. It's human's natural msytery. I guess I would never be able to find out why. So like what I always do, I'll just live with it. Life goes on as cliched as it sounds.

FRESH.

2010-01-23T20:11:00.001+08:00

A new blogskin. Finally.

HAPPY 19TH.

2010-01-23T18:03:00.002+08:00

Last 18 Jan 2010,

HAPPY 19TH SWEETHEART.
When I have your hands in mine, I feel that I have everything in life.

WHO SAYS DREAMS DON'T ALWAYS COME TRUE?

2010-01-17T13:22:00.001+08:00

"A dream coming true."

I'M JUST EMOTIONALLY SCREWED.

2010-01-14T11:51:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wish I could run and hide in a place where no one could find me. Or maybe take a break from life and go some place where phones and internet simply do not exist. It would be as if I was starting afresh with my life. Indeed in life, you cannot run away from problems you created and problems that people create for you. Especially when there are problems that really gets on your nerve and everytime you face it, you just feel like screaming hysterically and go crazy if you could. These are problems you cannot run away from and what is worst, it sticks to you like glue. And honestly, I am not yet capable of solving these kind of problems.

And I tell you, no kind of problem could affect you more than a relationship kind of problem can. It numbs your emotions sometimes. It makes you feel guilty the whole night. It can also kill your emotions if you let it. Not only it causes an emotional roller coaster in your heart, it gives off this feeling that a lot of people, in fact the entire world, agree that it causes pain in the heart. And mind you, I felt it. Remarkable isn't it? This thing, what people claims to be, the pain of being in a relationship, can actually causes you to feel the pain. Real pain. Not the sharp, acute pain. But the kind of pain where it makes females cry and say that they will never be in a relationship ever again and males do stupid things, such as condemning the females to be a manipulative creature who always play with their emotions. I have heard of such cases. Relationships causes people to do stuff that they would never imagine they would do. Such as sacrificing. When a mother tell her daughter to lower the volume of the teevee because it was too loud, the daughter simly shrug it off and ignore the mother's request. However when her boyfriend, on the phone with her, tells her that the teevee volume was too loud, she do not need her boyfriend to request her to lower the volume, she would automatically lower the volume. Just for her boyfriend. Wow isn't it? Another one would be a mother tells her daughter to come home early whenever she's out with her friends but the daughter simply ignored her mother's request. However when the boyfriend tells her to come home early when she's out with her friend, she does it, gladly. Sacrifices aye? Be it big or small, I think sacrifices are still sacrifices. Credit those sacrifices that your other halves have made for you. You wouldn't know the extent your other halves have went through to make those sacrifices, small or big.

All you see is my smile. But you don't know how much I went through to find it.

SUDDENLY, I SEE THE NEED TO DIGEST EVERYTHING SERIOUSLY.

2010-01-10T13:05:00.002+08:00

Eldest cousin paid a visit to my place yesterday. It has been a loong time since I saw her and we had a heart to heart talk later in the night. She said a lot of things that started to get me thinking. Is this how everything is going to end? I do admit I got a bit afraid in wanting to take another step in front after what she said to me. But I was grateful she was there to actually make me realise that things don't look as simple as they seem. It's a big step to take when making that decision and I'm just not sure how.

SUEE: When reality slaps, it does makes me wake up and say ouch.

BIG TIME FRUSTRATIONS.

2010-01-10T00:30:00.001+08:00

"My words just fall on deaf ears, don't they?
Then let me ask a question.
What's the point of me saying anything?"

IT'S A BREAK.

2010-01-07T22:41:00.001+08:00

'Why try to break a wall that's not even there?
It hurts."

STAY HOME THURSDAY.

2010-01-07T13:13:00.003+08:00

Attachment is finally over although I miss sitting in the office with my colleagues, rushing over late submissions and not to forget, gossiping and junking. Hahaha. Last day of attachment was kind of a fun one. We ran around (not literally ran -___-), exploring the new hotels, casinos, bars and restaurants. Although we didn't get to see all of it, but we did saw some. Took loads and loads of pictures with the chefs and colleagues. It's all over in facebook. Was abit sad to leave but attachment's over and I have to get back to school. I shall see you soon, RWS. :) .

Anyhoo, it's a stay home thursday today. Dearest asked me to be a good girl and stay at home. So I shall. I think it has been a loooong time since I stayed at home for a day. I realised I'm always going out. -__-. I shall pack my super messy laptop today. It's getting slower and slower by day. Major project has started and I need you laptop. Don't die on me please. Nana's laptop is already breathing its last. Hahaha. It's okayy Nana. I'm sure it will hold on for you. Lols. Pressure from the MP is really starting to haunt me. If I don't do well, half of my dreams for the future would be gone in a poof! Scary aye? Extremely.

I just called my ibu to buy me the pringles new flavour, soft shell crab. I've already tasted seaweed and cheesy cheese. Many more flavours to go. It shall be one of my to-do things. To taste all the new flavours of pringles. Alas, something to look forward to for me to complete. -__-. Also, out of extreme boredom, I've crazily downloaded truckloads of movies. So I'm going to spend my day glued to this laptop, watching my movies until my brain is fried. Sounds extreme enough? So I shall get going now. Happy stay home thursday to those who are staying at home on this faithful thursday.

And oh yah, I can't wait for this weekend with my girls. Pictures, pictures and more pictures!

SUEE: There is a need for you to think Suriati. Not just do. Get it in your head damn it.

NOTHING'S PERMANENT.

2010-01-05T20:25:00.003+08:00

"It sets me thinking. Nothing's permanent.
But will yours be?"

GOODBYE 2009 AND HELLO 2010.

2009-12-27T00:20:00.002+08:00

Looking back at the year 2009, there were many things that I've seen, heard, felt and experienced. Some were heart-piercing and heart-wrenching while others, well, delightful and light-hearted. Many lessons were learnt during this hard, long year and it's really an eye-opener for myself.

I don't deny disappointing people that I loved and I don't deny that people whom I loved disappointed me alot, in fact too much, until I was on the brink of giving up. It was like as though I was hanging by the egde of the cliff. But my loved ones pulled me back together and I learnt to be stronger. I learnt that things around us are not to be taken for granted. Sometimes understanding a person isn't just enough. Understanding that person and his/her needs is something more exceptional.

Old friendships were rekindled and bonds got stronger while new friendships were forged. I've met many great people out there who were very warm and hearty. I enjoyed their company everytime I see them and I'm glad I've got a chance to meet them.

The year's coming to an end and life will definitely take a turn when 2010 comes. Big decisions will have to be made and I have to be ready to face the real world. The big word comes; Responsibility. Not only my life will affect me but the lives of others who are also going to change. This will definitely call for being flexible and reasonable and not be a selfish being.

To my besties out there, this year was definitely tough. Especially for me. There was a point of time where you made me feel that I was intentionally neglecting you but when I really sat down and think about it, I thought there might be some truth to it. But the difference was, I was sure it wasn't intentional. I felt horrible but I knew I just can't sit around feeling mad or frustrated about it. I love you girls too much to have frustrations over you girls. I got over it and I tried to be better. I hope it worked for you guys because I really really love you girls alot!

To dearest love, many incidents happened between the both of us. In fact one significant incident actually really tested our patience, trust, believe, faith and love we have for each other. At first, I thought everything was turning chaotic and messy and I didn't know which way to go. But you made me believed that you're there to make everything right. And true enough, you did. I felt that we have stepped into a whole new level and the future seems clearer now. You made me believed that nothing could get in our way. With every step I take in this journey, I know you're always around to make sure I don't fall.

I hope 2010 will be a promising year and I look forward to welcoming 2010 with wide open arms. It's a whole new adventure people!

WEAKENED BY CIRCUMSTANCES.

2009-12-19T01:28:00.003+08:00

You're the every beat of my heart,
the every breath that i take.
Nothing could ever stand in between us.
You're everywhere around me; your warmth, your scent, your smile.
Nothing in this whole wide world can ever change my mind about you.
And that is you're mine forever.
Every cloud has a silver lining, and so I believe.
These forced circumstances may be just another test,
to see how far we'll stretch to hold on to each other.
Let's get through this.
I know we'll make this right.

Happy 18th baby.

HEAVY THOUGHTS.

2009-12-08T22:49:00.003+08:00

"Sometimes, it's difficult to ask from you.
Even though you'd let me."

EXCITEMENT.

2009-12-06T16:59:00.000+08:00

Next stop.

IT WAS A PERFECT RELEASE.

2009-12-06T13:46:00.002+08:00

The trip that everyone was waiting for happened and we had a whole load of fun. Hahaha. It was a stress reliever for all, escaping the rigors of work. Gotta say there were many highlights in the trip, both expected and unexpected. In a gist, it was a trip worth paying for. Hahaha.

SUEE: Your warmth. Your scent.

HAZY BLURRY VISION.

2009-12-05T23:33:00.002+08:00

Everything seems blurry now. I don't know how you feel. You don't know how I feel. I don't know what you've been through. And you don't know what I'm going through. It all boils down to communication aye? Without this 'c' word, everything seems to be redundant assumptions that one takes seriously because there's no other reasons to justify the current situation. Then I guess there's a need for some level of clarification.

Doesn't mean I'm not there means I don't give a damn about you. Doesn't mean I'm not there means I don't care about you. Doesn't mean I don't talk to you means I don't think about you. Doesn't mean I don't meet you means I don't miss you. I give a damn about you. I care for you. I think about you. I miss you.

It's really a terrible feeling hearing that you are annoyed and pretty mad at me for being a MIA bitch. Mastering the disappearing act one of you claimed. I do understand how you feel. It's human nature to be thinking the way you did. But I hope you don't think I'm doing something wrong. Wrong to you. Life's getting crazier by the minute. Everything is out of place. Even you. Even me. Time is all I need from you to rectify everything till it's fine. I hope that's not too much to ask for. Maybe you would ask, 'What kind of problems am I facing to the extent of forgetting me? Even not a single sms?' . That I don't deny. It's abit too much from me to not be even giving you a single text to say hello. I apologize to you for being ignorant. Or maybe you think I'm having a whale of time having fun without you but trust me, nothing could be more fun than hanging out and talking nonsense with you. I can't promise you after this entry that things will change but I won't say I won't try to be a good bestie to you.

Things around us do evolve and change for a cause. I believe that's what we're going through. Please don't worry. You won't lose me for sure. What I'm certainly worried about is, whether I would lose you.

HAPPINESS IS LONGEVITY.

2009-11-24T11:28:00.003+08:00

Picture credits to tumblr.com

I think I need to insert some happy thoughts in my blog. By far, I simply realised that it's very gloomy. Haha. And, my work colleague, Hui Ting shared the same sentiments. So I have decided to 'buang yang keruh ambil yang jernih'. In English it means, urmm. Think happy, don't think sad. Something like that.

The only thing I'm looking forward to this week is my trip to PJ! I swear I'm going to whack people there so colleagues, you watch out! Especially that 'boy'. Hahah. 48 hours++ more to go. Or dear calender, do speed up.

SUEE: It's the getaway everyone's looking forward to. Blue blacks will be the highlight for the trip. Youch!

HERE COMES THAT TIME OF THE YEAR.

2009-11-18T20:53:00.004+08:00

HAPPY 17TH BABY.
When I say you're mine, it will be for forever.

2009-11-09T12:49:00.004+08:00

"I've long been gone and I
don't know when I'm returning."

November starts to kick in and my two feets are still not on the ground. I don't know what's wearing me down. All I know is that life right now is a routine. I get up in the morning, my destination would be the office. And when the moon goes way up in the sky, it's time to go home. Dearest boyfriend would fetch me from work even though he feels tired working from the wee hours of the morning to late noon. And then, he will put many many smiles to my face and makes me forget everything that only spells trouble/stress. Then my day will end and the next day, the routine starts all over again.

And I'm being grateful besties are accomodating and being understanding. I hope your patience will not wear off. I'll get through this, I promise. And soon, it's back to HEE-HEE-HAA-HAA days. Can't wait.

SUEE: I'm lucky to have you. All of you. Especially dearest YOU.

NUTS.

2009-11-04T08:57:00.000+08:00

"I used to think I was a hard nut to
crack but right now, I'm cracked."

IT'S TRUE.

2009-11-02T17:00:00.001+08:00

SUEE: I really will and I already am.

SOS HELP EMERGENCY.

2009-10-26T17:47:00.001+08:00

"My brain cells are depleting
by the day."

Nothing could be more tiring and exhausting than facing the bloody computer for 8 hours every day. Save me, someone. Anyone.

ROTTEN EGG.

2009-10-24T23:13:00.002+08:00

Slap me, kick me, hurl abusive words at me because I've not been meeting up with besties. And I feel awkwardly guilty about that. Gosh. I think almost all of my time were spent in the office trying to make sure RWS is able to launch on the date that they have targetted. Words can't describe the lethargy I feel even though it's a sedentary job. It's not physical people, it's mental. And when mental lethargy happens, physical lethargy comes after. I think I'm going to melt down and flow away from RWS one day. It's that bad. I really want out! But I caaan't because this will determine my grades for my final year. /faints. I barely have time for my dear boyfriend. I wish one day has 48 hours.

SUEE: I shall try my best to make it up to you even though words are only words.

RANDOM.

2009-10-21T12:18:00.002+08:00

Lunch period arrived. So I was settling on just cup noodles because I had not much appetite to bloat myself up today. As I was slurping up my noodles, my chef came along and had this rather funny conversation with me.

Chef: Let's go for lunch.
Me: Oh no thanks chef, I'm just having this. (I showed my cup noodles.)
Chef: What? You're having that?! Do you know that it's a cup full of fats?
Me: (laughed)
Chef: It's full of artificial flavours, fats etc.
Me: Don't mention all of that to me. It's easy and convenient. (continue laughing)
Chef: You're eating a cup full of cholesterol! (frowns)

Hahah. Caring much aye?

16TH.

2009-10-20T12:15:00.001+08:00

HAPPY 16TH DARLING.
Through good times or bad times, I know I'll
be there with you at the end of the day. ILY.

GOODBYE SYAWAL.

2009-10-17T23:07:00.010+08:00

And so I shall sum up my Syawal 2009 with you. I felt it went by so quickly but I had many good memories that I shall live with. Although there are some whom I did not manage to celebrate Syawal with, please remember that you are not forgotten. So Salam Lebaran to all. Till we meet again on the next Syawal.

Raya with beloved family.

And here are my gorgeous besties.

And my love.

WHEN YOU SAY THINGS THAT HURTS ME, I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO FALL BACK AND CRY.

2009-10-17T01:45:00.003+08:00

"The heart feels heavy."

Life's getting messier and messier each day and I struggle to keep it back on track. Getting through a day perfectly is just a beautiful fantasy. In a day, there's always significant events that makes you feel happy, angry, sexy, ugly and whatnots. And some events are unforgettable, whether is good or bad.

At times, the people that you count on the most disappoints you. When that happens, you'll get hurt because the most unexpected people let you down. And to get over it, it's never easy.

SUEE: Why am I feeling this way?

HOW DO I DO IT.

2009-10-16T08:43:00.002+08:00

"I'm speechless even though
there's so much to say."

POWERPUFF LADIES?

2009-10-13T10:46:00.001+08:00

Quote of the day:

"I don't like ___________. She looks like the powerpuff ladies. I think her head is just too big for her."

-Spoken by my true blue colleague. Haha.

BHG .

2009-10-12T11:34:00.000+08:00

IN THE END.

2009-10-12T09:01:00.000+08:00

"I thought I was stable,
but I lost balance."

WHEN THE WORLD TAKES ITS TURN.

2009-10-12T00:12:00.004+08:00

Disappointment. Angst. Upset. Sad. Hurt.

These are the very words that people will try to avoid. These emotions, once felt, may cause a huge impact to the very person who feels it. These words, however, are sometimes inevitable. This is all due to human natural flaws; whether it is an intentional mistake or an unintentional mistake.

As I grow up, life has proven many things to me. And one particular thing would be, no matter how much a person can give love, that same person can also give pain. This is something no man or woman can ever change. It happens to everyone in this living planet. A mother to her child, a husband to his wife, a fiance to his fiancee, a girlfriend to her boyfriend, a bestfriend to her/his bestfriend and the list goes on.

SUEE: I've paid a price.

BUTT OF GOLD ?

2009-10-10T23:38:00.002+08:00

The day started out so wet that I just wanted to stay in bed and not wake up but I knew I had to go to work even though it's a Saturday. So many things to achieve, so little time to do. Sighs. Attachment feels like the real thing. Heavy responsibilities. Anyhoo, let's put that aside.

And so I met my happy pill after work. Dearest boyfriend wanted to find some football jersey for his cousin. So we made our way to Peninsula since jerseys over there are not so overrated. After that we had late lunch/early dinner then we went to Iluma to catch Surrogates; the Bruce Willis movie. While queing up to get the tickets since boyfriend booked it online, there's this two guys in front of us at the ticket booth. They were taking sooo long to choose a movie. I was getting a little impatient since we realised we were getting late for the movie. After choosing their movie, they took sooooooooooo long to choose their seats. I mean come on. You guys are males. Must pick seats that's private enough for the both of you is it? Or your butts are made of gold that there's a need to pick good seats? Gosh my face turned so black that I swear the staffs over there were getting a bit kanchiong over the fact that I was getting so impatient. The staff that served us totally forgot his service protocol. He was trying to enter boyfriend's card number on his computer but it failed. So he went to the other counter which was two counters away from his, forgetting to usher us to the other counter. When he was successful in getting the tickets for us, he did not return back to his counter where we were but instead, he sort of tried communicating with us from the other counter. Haha. He was straining his voice while actually, he could just walk over to us or call us over to pass us the tickets.

Well, I was certainly pissed off by those two guys. Does it kill to be considerate and to use your brains? Other people are also queuing up to watch a movie. Choose your movie beforehand and have some vision of where to sit before actually going through the process of purchasing. Sometimes, it's so hard to find gracious people in Singapore. -__-.

SUEE: I feel so blessed being with you.

IN NEED OF DESPERATE LEISURE TIME.

2009-10-09T08:55:00.001+08:00

"In less than 12 hours,
I'm back to the office. -__-"

PEOPLE DO CHANGE HUH?

2009-10-08T23:52:00.002+08:00

I used to hear this alot; about people changing as they go through their lives. Under certain situations or phases that they went through, they discover another side to them. They realised something about them that they don't know while it was there all along. However, I beg to difer. I believed that even though people do change, there's always the old them hiding underneath. Somewhere some place inside of them, they are still what they used to be. But I was proven wrong. It was a real slap back to reality. Ouch.

Certain events in life causes people to react they way they do. Sometimes lightly, sometimes drastically. My boyfriend always teaches me to look at the big picture. Reactions are always paired with reasons. There are reasons as to why people do certain stuff. Making one conclusion is not enough. It will only lead to an uglier picture. The way to do it is to open the mind for many possibilities. Ask why would they do such things? Consider many options. This would not lead to any unnecessary outbursts. I totally agree with that. I find it totally practical and reasonable.

This time round, even the big picture solution does not work with me. I keep asking myself why but it boils down to one thing; hurt. I keep thinking about it over and over again. I wanted to believe that there's more to it on the surface but I have a strong feeling that I might be wrong. Maybe there's nothing more to it. Maybe this is it.

They say time heals eveything but I'm still waiting. It seems that the longer time takes, the more damage it makes.

And now, I learnt that people around me do change. They change for the better, they change for the worst. There's no telling as to what they will become like. Sometimes, they lose themselves. Who am I to say? Life is a natural flow. Things come, things go. I learnt that the tighter you hold the rope, the severe the rope burn will be. The tighter I hold on to something I love, the more hurt I'll feel if it disappoints me. Letting go is never easy but when it's being called for, I need to do it or else, I'll bleed even more from the rope burns. And that my dear readers, has already happened. A lesson learnt. But that does not mean, I'm losing grip on all things.

SUEE: If it has to end this way.